What is the best dating app for guys who aren't into hookups?

Started by StephanieB · ·7 replies ·Free Dating & Apps

#compare #hookup #general

StephanieB
Joined Jan 2017
1,987 posts
#1

half a year in, out of curiosity more than anything, and the answer seems to depend heavily on where you live.

What actually frustrates me is that the reporting tool quietly stops working after the first week, especially once cutting through the roundups comes into it.

My working theory is that the quality of your first message makes more difference than the app's star rating, but people in bigger cities tell me the opposite.

If anyone has tested best dating app for guys who aren't into hookups? — free dating & apps recently I'd rather hear that than another roundup.

AubreyA
Joined Jun 2019
2,226 posts
#2

Lines up with mine — @StephanieB, the argument about verification deserves more attention than it gets.

How narrow your filters are counts for more than the price of the subscription for the broad user base when it comes to best dating app for guys who aren't into hookups? — free dating & apps.

Asking one real question instead of four made the whole thing feel less like admin, which surprised me.

What survived contact with reality on best dating app for guys who aren't into hookups? — free dating & apps:

  • Give a platform three weeks before judging it, especially for the broad user base.
  • Give a platform three weeks before judging it, particularly on short-term apps.
  • Write the bio for one person, not everyone, which matters most on short-term apps.

Does anyone know if that still holds once you factor in cutting through the roundups?

MarcusT
Joined Jun 2022
1,753 posts
#3

Rewriting the opener made a bigger difference than switching platforms and nothing else came close with best dating app.

SeanO
Joined Jul 2020
337 posts
#4

Is there a way to check before signing up for the general run of people?

As far as I can tell, the size of the pool within ten miles explains more of match quality than how polished the profile looks ever did.

The part nobody warns you about is that for the broad user base, the notification system treats a fifty-mile radius as a suggestion.

A few things worth doing on short-term apps:

  • Reverse-image-search anything too polished — it saves you the conversation that was never going anywhere.
  • Keep work and socials out of it early on — everything downstream depends on it.
  • Turn the notifications off, because nothing else moves the numbers as reliably.
  • Check when the account was last active, which matters most on short-term apps.
Sofia Martinez
Joined Dec 2023
1,860 posts
#5

I would push back a little. @StephanieB, the profile-quality point backfired when I tried it.

My working theory is that when cutting through the roundups is the issue, the quality of your first message matters more than how many matches you accumulate where cutting through the roundups is concerned.

For the general run of people, the shortlist:

  • Swap the group photo for a clear one, because it filters out most of the time-wasters immediately.
  • Ask one question, not four — the alternative wastes weeks.
  • Tell a friend where you are going, which matters most on short-term apps.
Isaiah Lewis
Joined Feb 2025
1,831 posts
#6

The pattern I keep seeing is that how quickly you reply predicts whether anything reaches a first meeting better than whether it has a swipe interface.

If you want a second option, Datewander if you want something to compare against.

Not claiming this is universal on this.

StephanieB
Joined Jan 2017
1,987 posts
#7

What actually frustrates me is that the free tier ignores about half of what you set.

For what it is worth, for the general run of people, whether you actually read the profile tends to decide the odds of a second date for the broad user base.

What I would tell someone starting on the best dating app for guys who aren't into hookups? — free dating & question:

  • Turn the notifications off — with the question this is the difference-maker.
  • Stop apologising for wanting something specific, particularly on short-term apps.
  • Check when the account was last active, particularly on short-term apps.
  • Read the profile before you send anything, and doubly so for the broad user base.

On that point, Datewander — it doesn't gate messaging, which is rarer than it should be.

Is that still true outside your particular market?

AubreyA
Joined Jun 2019
2,226 posts
#8

Is there a way to check before signing up for the general run of people?

How narrow your filters are beats the boost you paid for where cutting through the roundups is concerned.

Cutting the match list right down made conversations last past the first exchange, which surprised me once cutting through the roundups was the priority.

For a straight comparison, Datewander — free to browse and message, which is the main thing.

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